


The General Putty Strike of 1993

by predilection



Category: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Power Rangers
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-30
Updated: 2013-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-09 23:57:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/779442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/predilection/pseuds/predilection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The putties form a union and go on strike. Rita hates almost everything about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The General Putty Strike of 1993

**Author's Note:**

> A friend of mine asked me to write a fic about putties forming a union. He probably meant it as a joke. (Un)fortunately for him, he's getting this fic for Christmas.
> 
> This is unbetaed so any mistakes are my own.

Rita Repulsa hates humans.

This isn't news. After all, she has been trying to wipe them off the face of the planet for a good 12,000 years now. Well, technically 2,000 years if you don't count the 10,000 years she was trapped in a dumpster. A space dumpster. Which is a dumpster. In space.

Anyway, Rita hates humans. And right now she _really_ hates humans because a group of her putties are standing before her with a document both declaring themselves to be a union and declaring that union to be on strike.

Rita rips the document out of the putties hands. "What is this?" 

One of the putties speaks. Her monster maker, Finster, translates. "Apparently the putties want better hours and overtime pay." The same putty speaks again, and gestures with its hands. "Oh, and benefits. They are refusing to attack the planet until they have a collective agreement that satisfies their demands."

"What?" Rita shrieks in disbelief.

"Um," Finster says. "The putties are on strike, my queen." 

"Putties can't go on strike!" she yells. Rita already has a headache. This is the last thing she needs. "Tell them to attack the Earth anyway!"

"They refuse, my queen."

Rita rubs her forehead. "Then just make new putties!"

"Um, I'm afraid I can't," Finster says.

"And why is that?" Rita shouts.

"They would be considered strikebreakers."

Rita has no idea what that means so she just glares at him until he explains further. Finster fidgets. "Um, when a company hires new workers to replace those who are on strike, they end up unfairly weakening the power of the union."

Rita stares at him for a long moment. "And what could possibly make you think this applies to my palace?"

"Well, it's good labour practice and good labour laws will--"

Rita slams her staff onto the ground with a loud, satisfying clang. "There are no labour laws in my palace!" she shouts at the putties. 

The putties warble at her unhappily.

"No labour laws!" she shouts again. "We're on the moon!" She glares at every creature in her thrown room. "And we're _evil_!" she adds for good measure.

The putties slink out of her sight. Rita thinks that's the end of this ridiculous striking business until they return two hours later with a binder and their arms piled high with large pieces of paper. One of the putties hands the binder to Rita as another begins sticking what looks to be posters up all over her palace walls.

Rita throws the binder at Finster and then rips one of the posters off her walls. She glances at it. It is filled with text that mentions things like how to go about establishing collective agreements and when it's proper to appoint a conciliation officer. It also has references to a Human Rights Code. The word "human" is crossed out every time it appears and the word "putty" has been written overtop of it in what appears to be green crayon.

Rita shoves the poster at Finster. "What is this!?" she demands.

Finster takes a moment to look it over. "It seems to be Canadian labour law, my queen."

"What!?" Rita shrieks.

"It's quite ingenious actually," Finster says, flipping through the binder now. "The province that they chose to borrow laws from is more progressive than Angel Grove and its surrounding area."

Rita stares at Finster for a long moment. " _What!?_ " she shrieks.

"They're borrowing labour law from Canada, my queen."

"What are my putties doing in Canada!?"

"With all due respect, I doubt they actually needed to go to Canada to access these documents."

As if on cue -- some horrible, horrible cue -- three putties appear before her with a human female. One of the putties explains that it's an official from the Ministry of Labour here to oversee their dispute resolution. 

"What's a Ministry of Labour?" Rita asks Finster.

The human female seems to be shaking in fear but still she manages to clear her throat. "It's a department. That oversees labour. Um. I'm from Manitoba."

Rita looks to Finster again. "What's a Manitoba?"

The human shuffles nervously. "A province? In Canada?"

Rita yells. Loud and incoherent. The human tries to make a run for it but only succeeds in making it to the balcony. The human takes one glance over the edge and then looks like she's about to pee her pants. Good, Rita thinks. At least someone is properly fearful of her and her kickass moon palace. 

Of course, this is when the human decides to open her mouth again. "Oh my god! _Oh my god!_ Are we in space? Am I in _space_? How cool is this?"

The putties go over to the human. One of them points out something to her. "Holy shit! That _is_ Canada! I can see Canada from up here!" the human squeals.

"Someone shut that human up!" Rita shouts. Goldar grudgingly gets up from where he's been lounging and makes his way over to the balcony, his sword raised menacingly, like he's about to smash something.

Rita leaves him to it, sits down on her throne and massages her aching head. Finster appears before her.

"What?" she snaps.

"These documents seem to be in order," Finster tells her. "It appears we now have a functioning set of labour laws."

"There will be no labour laws in my palace!" she shouts back.

"Yes, but it seems the majority of your foot soldiers are adhering to it and since they make up the majority of the creatures in your palace--"

"This is _my_ palace. What do you think this is? A _democracy_?" Rita yells. 

At least the human on the balcony has stopped making noise, she thinks. Maybe Goldar is at least worth keeping around.

She chances a glance over her shoulder. To her dismay, the human is still there, and worse, she's sitting on the ground in a circle with her top general and three putties. She's passing a bright yellow Walkman between them. Rita overhears Goldar say to her, "I don't understand. Who is this Sir Mix-a-Lot and where is his baby back from?"

Rita turns back around. "Will someone around here please attack Angel Grove?" she yells.

"Oh yes!" Finster says, clapping his hands together. "I have just the monster!"

"Well, then what are you waiting for? Send it down to earth!" she snaps.

Finster creates a monster out of clay and human candy. Rita watches through her telescope as the Power Rangers show up to thwart her plans. They blow the monster up in a record-breaking three minutes and forty-two seconds.

Rita knows the drill. She throws her staff and makes the monster grow to the size of a skyscraper. All goes well, Megazord battle included, until the monster stops fighting, looks up towards the heavens and shouts, "I'm not being paid enough for this."

"What?" Rita shrieks back.

The bonbon creation crosses its arms. "You want me to trash this city, I better at least get benefits."

Rita turns to Finster. "Do something!"

"Um, alright." Rita moves out of the way and Finster looks through the telescope.

"What kind of benefits?" he asks the monster.

"Dental!" The monster shouts back.

"Up to how much a year?"

"Earth or galactic calendar?"

Rita slams her hand to her forehead and then stomps back into her throne room. 

"Goldar!" she shouts into the palace. "Get down there and smash the city!" 

There's no response.

"Goldar! That was a direct order!"

Still nothing.

Frustrated, she shouts at the few putties puttering around, "Where is my general?"

Goldar chooses that moment to walk by the door to her throne room. He is wearing human headphones and saying the words, "But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart, I just don't think he'd understand!" Behind him are three dancing putties. The human from Canada trails behind them and is, of all things, _skipping_. 

"Is anyone around here actually competent?" Rita asks the room at large.

Finster appears before her. 

"What now?" she snaps.

Finster rings his hands. "Well, it seems that the monsters have joined the United Putty Union. They, too, are demanding overtime pay, sick and vacation days, and a benefits package. They are also on strike until a collective agreement can be reached."

Rita grabs Finster by the collar and pulls him in close. "You will go get Goldar, you will make sure he is not singing or accompanied by a human, and you will bring him to me." She releases Finster forcefully, causing him to stagger back.

"Yes, my queen! Right away, my queen!" he stammers out before fleeing the room.

Rita groans and buries her head in her hands.

Finster returns a few minutes later with Goldar in tow, thankfully seemingly human influence-free. "Finally," Rita sighs. "Goldar, get down to Earth and attack the humans!"

Instead of reaching for a weapon and making for the door like he should be doing, Goldar looks around the room. 

"Well, go on! I don't have all day!" Rita shouts.

Goldar says, "My union is on strike."

"There is no union!" Rita yells.

Goldar doesn't attack the planet. He does, however, produce a large white placard from behind him. It reads: "United Putty Union Local 706: MONSTERS ON STRIKE."

Rita yells and then yells some more until Goldar makes for the door. Then she sinks into her thrown and looks out her window at the giant blue-green globe that comprises Earth. If she didn't want to conquer the planet so much, she'd be tempted to just blast the damn thing out of existence. Then all this nonsense about unions would have to cease, if nothing else because she wouldn't need an army anymore.

But Rita wants the Earth. She didn't spend 10,000 years in a space dumpster planning her revenge only to give up now. And she's definitely not going let the pesky human tradition of labour unions be her downfall.

"Finster!" she shouts. Finster, ever loyal and terrified, comes to her side. "How do I defeat the union?" she asks him. He squirms. She grabs him by the collar again. He squirms more.

"Well, my queen, perhaps you should take a page out of the book of human governments?"

"What!? Humans!? They're the ones who started this nonsense!"

"Um. Yes. While it is true that some human governments have granted workers rights in the past, recently many governments have been doing everything in their power to rollback these rights through laws that discourage and dismantle unionization like back-to-work legislation. It's rather insidious, really. Through their attacks, these governments have managed to create a climate in which the general public is hostile to unions, even when they benefit from them."

That last bit gets Rita's attention. She pulls Finster closer. "Tell me more," she says.

An hour later Rita still isn't keen on the idea of a union, even though she now thinks crushing a union would be a very satisfying process. Then Finster says, "Well, if you did enter into a collective agreement, you would be setting a precedent for any other villains in the United Alliance of Evil who are interested in the Earth."

After Finster explains what a precedent is, Rita asks, "So other villains would have to deal with this union nonsense too?"

"If they would like to conquer Earth, yes."

Rita grins. Rita may not like humans, Zordon or those pesky Power Rangers, but Rita also hates pretty much everyone in the United Alliance of Evil. They may all be striving towards similar goals, but they get along like oil and water. Some of her fellow villains have tried to stab her in the back over the years, just because they see her as competition. Rita hates the lot of them. And if for some reason she can't have the Earth, she'd love nothing more than to make life difficult for any other villain to come along.

Sometime later she hears a rumbling by her thrown room door. Goldar walks by carrying his blasted placard. "What do we want?" he calls out. The line of twenty or so putties behind him warble incomprehensibly. "When do we want it?" Goldar chants. The putties warble again, even more incomprehensibly. 

"Goldar!" she snaps. 

Goldar pokes his head into her thrown room. 

She tries not to smirk as she says, "Tell the putties I'm willing to negotiate."

The negotiations take six hours. Rita even lets the irritating human play arbitrator. By the end of the whole debacle, the putties and monsters have an agreement they like and Rita has her army back. She immediately sends the candy monster and a horde of putties to Angel Grove. The rangers blow up the monster with their Megazord, but as a result, the city ends up covered in a thick layer of high-fructose corn syrup, so Rita still counts it as a win.

Afterwards, Finster timidly asks her, "Why did you agree to the union, my queen?"

"I have my reasons," she says and then goes back to reading about the policies of two truly evil humans named Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.

*

A year and half later, Lord Zedd banishes Rita, forces her back into a space dumpster, upgrades her army of putties for his own purposes, and sends that army to conquer the Earth.

The putties take one look at their new upgraded forms and flat-out refuse to follow his orders. Then, to Lord Zedd's dismay, they go on strike. 

When Lord Zedd demands to know what in the blazes is going on, he finds himself face-to-face with a bureaucrat from Canada ("I'm from Manitoba!") who explains to him that there is no way his putties are going to go into battle with a giant Z emblazoned on their chests, especially when just touching said Z causes them to, well, _explode_.

Goldar leads the putties in their favourite rousing protest song and Lord Zedd curses Rita as his army begins to sing: "When the working day is done, oh girls just want to have fun!"


End file.
